Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Being Cancer Free What Exactly Does That Mean

As of June 1, 2010 I was given my green card for being cancer free. I remember that day vividly as if it was today, I did not jump for joy or do my happy dance. For me the news was a confirmation of what I heard from Spirit the middle of April 2010 right after I completed radiation therapy. I was surprised at myself for not being overly enthused, elated to say the least. What was wrong with me hmmmmmm, not a thing because as I look back now my celebration took place on the last day of radiation therapy (see my post). How do I feel now since I am cancer free, what does mean for me and how does that look like in my world today. Well, it changes each day, do I still have fatigue, pain accompanied with more energy and gratitude in each passing day you betcha! Do I still think at times I can just jump right back in where my life left off over a year ago? Well, it doesn't work that way and I am quickly reminded in a New York minute to unplug, pull back on the warrior reins and settle into this new vibration. For the most part I feel I am playing this new game or the real game with an increased knowingness and the old me sometimes surfaces just to show me what I still need/choose to let go of that no longer serves my highest good. It is so interesting to see who and what show ups in my life as mirrors of my vulnerabilities, residue and my authentic self. Sometimes with big neon signs "oh I know this one" as I stand in observance, or dang I still have some residue to release (thanks so much). Which is pretty cool when you see it for what it is instead of staying stuck in the energy and rehashing it over and over again with different players.

I can not speak for other breast cancer survivors however; I feel we have conquered so much with each rising sun in the morning even when we felt so much darkness inside. I feel each one of us has a special message and mission we are guided to deliver once we have completed our own journey into wellness. There is a bond that can not be broken, we have walked in the same moccasins and have reached into the depths of our being to find the strength and courage we never knew existed inside of us. Yes, my energy/mood was rather introspective this morning it is what it is and the afternoon has arrived so let's continue with Zach's Graduation.

Zach's graduation went off with flying colors, it felt so good to see family I haven't seen in a long time. Zach are I are adjusting to the transition one step at a time, it feels really good and I wouldn't change a thing right now. As I continue to hear trust and flow, observe and support.

The end of May I began working as a bartender three days a week in Woodland Park I feel for the most my body is adjusting quite well. Some days I really feel it after my shift ends and that's OK as long as I take time for Lisa. Bar tending seems to be the perfect antidote for this transition period I find myself in. I am taking a breather from online marketing and networking for my art business and in general from my art. For me it was necessary to let it all go without having any expectations and allowing my beautiful paintings and creations the space I felt was being asked of me. Is it scary in a way indeed it is, do I know what tomorrow will bring no, I do know I anticipate great stuff happening in a really big way.
A change was needed I could not go back to doing the same thing expecting different results. Bar tending is fun for now interacting with people on different levels which includes engaging in mental volley ball, exercising my quick wit satisfying the social buttery fly in me.

My fifth and final surgery is scheduled for August 11,2010 I know it will be a success and my recovery will be in record time (Hahahaha)no expectations just anticipating great stuff. This will be the last of traditional medicine for me, it just wasn't in the cards for me after long meditations and prayers I chose not to take tamoxifen for five years.

My creative energies are stirring painting will soon be on my agenda
Until next time Keep On Keeping On
Smiles and Sunshine
Bookmark and Share